When my wife and I embarked on the quest to bring a child into this world, we intended to do so with open eyes.  We wanted to grow our family in a way that was stable and balanced, full of love and joy.  We read all of the books and had all of the conversations.  And yet, we still felt like there wasn’t enough information out there specifically about the queer experience of having kids, so I decided to start this blog (with a lot of help and encouragement from my family).  My intention is to share our story so other research-obsessed parents can access our “data.”  I also hope to build a community of LGBTQ parents and their kids through our common experience.  Without further ado, I’d like to share the opening chapter in our baby-making story, which begins in Asia, with a hat.

In the summer of 2012, Mrs Squawks and I took our first big international vacation together to visit Vietnam and Cambodia.  The whole adventure was memorable, but our stop in Sapa, a mountain town in Northwest Vietnam, topped the charts.  The region is famous with tourists for its trekking and it is populated primarily by the Hmong ethnic group, who are known for their vibrant embroidery work.  One cannot navigate the hills alone because there are few apparent trails, so visitors hire local guides and are also frequently accompanied by groups of Hmong women whose dual goal is to help you maintain footing on the steep, muddy slopes, and to sell you their embroidery.  You can seen our “helpers” below following Mrs S.

 

On our first day out, these women stuck with us the full 12 miles, smiling and laughing (mostly at us, I think) the whole way.  At the end of the day, it was understood that we would purchase textiles from our “helpers” in exchange for their time.  We were not stingy in doing our part to support the local economy and we walked away with a backpack full of textiles.  Included in our haul was a tiny hat, the perfect size for a baby (or so we thought).  It had an alternating red and black patchwork pattern with a beaded tassel at the top (see baby below for visual).  Mrs. S and I decided that we MUST have this hat for our future child…wait, WHAT?  Yes, after just eight months together, the fact that Mrs. S and I would someday procreate became a foregone conclusion.

Fast forward to the fall of 2015 and you’ll find me meditating before our fertility shrine (yes we’re those people).  The very same red and black hat sits front and center, accompanied by figurines of Ganesh (the Hindu elephant god and remover of obstacles) and Venus de Willendorf (an ancient totem of fertility) and some select crystals, praying for Mrs. S and I to be blessed with a fat, happy baby. Sometimes when you know, you know.